my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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