i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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