I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
