Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
