My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
