god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize