I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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