I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
