I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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