Church boner. Awkwardddd
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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