Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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