I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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