you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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