Banned from zoo.
Again?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
