My Higher Power is John Stamos
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize