I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
