I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
