Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
