Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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