Can Purell be used as lube?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
