either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
