This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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