I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
