my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She even gives head with a lisp.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
