The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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