so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
