I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
