FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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