OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The feeling are messing with the penis
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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