True but thats because hes a fetus.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
