Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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