I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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