I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
