go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
