I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
