its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
