New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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