omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
