I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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