On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
