"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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