Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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