did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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