I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
