As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
