you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
