Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
