There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
