I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
