Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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