You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
