I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
