She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i will never coherently bang her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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