WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
