My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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