my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
