My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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