What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
