I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
