There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
