We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
