She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
