In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
