Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
