How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
