He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
