I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
