I feel great
I just peed on a car
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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