dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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