new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
