I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
