he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
