i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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