I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Randomize
