I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
