I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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