11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
