So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
