we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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