I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize