he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
