So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
