I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
