How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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