She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
