It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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