she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
