U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
