just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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