i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
