"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
