who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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