Your mouth is God's brothel.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
