please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize