Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
