i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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