fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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