I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
