Pappa wants mamma naked
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize