id be glad to
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
